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Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed at her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

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Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

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Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

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#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
HAHAHAHA!! those are great!! 2006 will only be better!
MAlby7,Jan 9 2006, 12:03 AM Wrote:*******************
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.  "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"  A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"  The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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That one is awesome. How come all teachers aren't cool like that?
habmann,Jan 9 2006, 12:00 PM Wrote:
MAlby7,Jan 9 2006, 12:03 AM Wrote:*******************
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.  "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"  A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"  The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
[right][snapback]163900[/snapback][/right]

That one is awesome. How come all teachers aren't cool like that?
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Cuz theyd get fired.
Haha, i had a teacher exactly like that.
scoobasteve,Jan 9 2006, 04:47 PM Wrote:Haha, i had a teacher exactly like that.
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yeah same here, he was awsome.

He once said to a bunch of these loser crack head ghetto kids in our marketing class, "if you 3 guys combine your grades, you just might pass!! boy that has to SUCK!!"

i thought it was funny.
Yeah, Mine was a religion teacher, he had such classy lines as

"they wore kilts/skirts to battle so they could stick it in each others asses"

or whenever the slutty girl was away

" She's probably at her favorite place, The gynocologist"
Flofocus,Jan 9 2006, 04:20 PM Wrote:
habmann,Jan 9 2006, 12:00 PM Wrote:
MAlby7,Jan 9 2006, 12:03 AM Wrote:*******************
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.  "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"  A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"  The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
[right][snapback]163900[/snapback][/right]

That one is awesome. How come all teachers aren't cool like that?
[right][snapback]163958[/snapback][/right]

Cuz theyd get fired.
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more like shot.....
hahaha im going to try number 3
MAlby7,Jan 9 2006, 01:03 AM Wrote:Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.  The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


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That was my cousin, or so he tells me thats what he did. Who knows, he's a joker so it wouldn't surprise me.

#1 seems like a fun one to try, and hey exams are commin up, time to see some shocked reactions :P