06-26-2005, 03:45 AM
On Mondays...
-slap a post it notes on coworker's computer while they are gone with "Pay bookie,""Buy Crack" or "Crotch Salve"
-Anytime anyone asks where someone is, even if they are in the copy room or using the bathroom, respond, "I don't know. He went to lunch, like, and hour ago."
-Put a bottle of Metamucil in the fridge, with an angry note that says "DONT TOUCH-THIS MEANS YOU" and sign it with a coworkers intials.
-Stay fibe minutes later than a coworker. As he or she prepares to leave on time, look harries and busy, and snap, "Half day, huh?"
-Steal all the staplers and stash them around someone elses desk.
-Steal a coworkers idea. Tell everyone how he stole it from you.
On Tuesdays...
-If a coworker i late, joke that he must have been "drinking till three in the morning."
-Email a member of your team regarding a missed deadline, or some other small error, and CC his manager.
-During a meeting, undermine your peer's ideas by cutting him off with, "Wow, i had that same idea!"
-Blow by a coworkers desk and shout, "Stop sniffing your finger!"
-Send an email from a coworkers computer that says, "Printer down!" when the printer works just fine.
-Start a vicious rumour around the water cooler about a coworker on any of the following topics: "So-and-so is breaking up/divorcing,""So-and-so is in trouble with the IRS," or "So-and-so wears diapers."
On Wednesdays...
-During meetings, laugh extra hard at a coworkers mediocre jokes. When asked later, tell people you felt sorry for him.
-Publicly ask a coworker, over and over throughout the day, if he's "felling OK."
-Over the course of the day, slowly soak the carpet under your coworkers chair with cheap bourbon.
-Replace one of your coworkers family desk photos with nude pics of fat Europeans.
-Mispronounce a coworkers name. When he corrects you, just shrug and wink.
-Dump hundreds of show tune MP3's on a coworkers personal server file. This will slow the network down, and IT will have to go searching for the offender.
On Thursdays...
-Compliment the following useless talents: collating ability, colour copying, numerous smoke breaks, and persistent trips to the rest room.
-Set a coworkers desk clock back five subtle minutes.
-Randomly ask a colleague, "Did you hear what [coworkers name] said to that intern?". When the colleague responds, "No," shake your head in disapproval.
-Tell a coworker, "So-and-so thinks your cute." Tension builds as the coworker can't figure out why the person doesn't flirt back.
-Make GeriatricErotica.com a coworkers Web browser home page.
On Fridays...
Tell a coworker that a certain other coworker was in the rest room snorting either a powdered donut or...
-Anytime a coworker shows a photo of their of their husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, remark on how happy you are they "finally found a way to work it out."
-Secretly replace desk toys with bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup.
Good luck everyone!!
-slap a post it notes on coworker's computer while they are gone with "Pay bookie,""Buy Crack" or "Crotch Salve"
-Anytime anyone asks where someone is, even if they are in the copy room or using the bathroom, respond, "I don't know. He went to lunch, like, and hour ago."
-Put a bottle of Metamucil in the fridge, with an angry note that says "DONT TOUCH-THIS MEANS YOU" and sign it with a coworkers intials.
-Stay fibe minutes later than a coworker. As he or she prepares to leave on time, look harries and busy, and snap, "Half day, huh?"
-Steal all the staplers and stash them around someone elses desk.
-Steal a coworkers idea. Tell everyone how he stole it from you.
On Tuesdays...
-If a coworker i late, joke that he must have been "drinking till three in the morning."
-Email a member of your team regarding a missed deadline, or some other small error, and CC his manager.
-During a meeting, undermine your peer's ideas by cutting him off with, "Wow, i had that same idea!"
-Blow by a coworkers desk and shout, "Stop sniffing your finger!"
-Send an email from a coworkers computer that says, "Printer down!" when the printer works just fine.
-Start a vicious rumour around the water cooler about a coworker on any of the following topics: "So-and-so is breaking up/divorcing,""So-and-so is in trouble with the IRS," or "So-and-so wears diapers."
On Wednesdays...
-During meetings, laugh extra hard at a coworkers mediocre jokes. When asked later, tell people you felt sorry for him.
-Publicly ask a coworker, over and over throughout the day, if he's "felling OK."
-Over the course of the day, slowly soak the carpet under your coworkers chair with cheap bourbon.
-Replace one of your coworkers family desk photos with nude pics of fat Europeans.
-Mispronounce a coworkers name. When he corrects you, just shrug and wink.
-Dump hundreds of show tune MP3's on a coworkers personal server file. This will slow the network down, and IT will have to go searching for the offender.
On Thursdays...
-Compliment the following useless talents: collating ability, colour copying, numerous smoke breaks, and persistent trips to the rest room.
-Set a coworkers desk clock back five subtle minutes.
-Randomly ask a colleague, "Did you hear what [coworkers name] said to that intern?". When the colleague responds, "No," shake your head in disapproval.
-Tell a coworker, "So-and-so thinks your cute." Tension builds as the coworker can't figure out why the person doesn't flirt back.
-Make GeriatricErotica.com a coworkers Web browser home page.
On Fridays...
Tell a coworker that a certain other coworker was in the rest room snorting either a powdered donut or...
-Anytime a coworker shows a photo of their of their husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, remark on how happy you are they "finally found a way to work it out."
-Secretly replace desk toys with bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup.
Good luck everyone!!