Any advice? Other than "take him to Nikki's!"? I just don't know what to say.
He is a total wreck. She called him while he was on the road for work, about 10 hours from home, by himself, telling him she was leaving. I can't imagine what his drive home must have been like.
Why, I have no idea. My sister-in-law, who is best friends with her didn't even know. Well, they're not friends anymore! I've known him for over 11-12 years now (of which he was with her the whole time), and he is one of the nicest and most generous people I know. He bends over backwards to do things for her, make the house nice, and everything. She was everything to him.
He wanted to go talk to someone to try to save the marriage, but she said "there is no use, its over".
So I went over to visit with my brother last night. He looks horrible, and broke down into tears when he answered the door. He hasn't eaten since the weekend, hasn't slept, and looks like Grizzly Adams from not shaving or combing his hair. He is absolutely unhinged, in a daze, and his eyes look almost glazed over like he is "lost".
I can't think of any comforting words, other than that my phone is always here, and I'm around if he needs anything.
We're going to take him out fishing this weekend to get him out of the house. He hasn't left it since he got home from his trip for work.
Your friend needs to see a professional to help him get through this. Friends have to make sure he does this. Also, he needs to have his friends around, to make sure he is still functioning. He is hurting real bad, and as you say. is crushed. it's going to take time, but, he needs help from his buddies, and a professional or two. Make sure he doesn't start thinkng of "going postal" on her, and keep the booze and recreational drugs away. He needs to be thinking as rationally as possible. The best things you guys can do is make sure he gets help, and spend time with him, and be honest with him, If he starts being a jerk, tell him, if he turns into a turnip head, tell him. Good Luck
Just keep him level (no excessive booze, no drugs) as mentioned and get him to a psychiatrist quick. He sounds like a house of cards in a room with all the windows open... something will happen and suddenly at that.
As for her leaving, either he never gave you the whole story or she really is that cold-hearted. If she's cutting everything off at the knees like that then chances are she really won't get back together with him. Oscar and I experienced that with a mutual friend under the same damn circumstances, albeit with a little more warning and obvious fighting. She cut it off one day and it was all too clear that she wasn't coming back.
Be there for him, but beware that taking care of him doesn't place too much strain on your own life. People can become conduits of emotion, willingly and unwillingly, and sometimes those same problems can start to cause you grief too.
Good luck man, it's a hard road.
He doesn't do any drugs, and we cleaned the booze out of the house last night. We know he wouldn't turn to that, but we got rid of the temptation anyways.
Pretty sure he won't go postal as he is a pretty calm guy, but you can never tell. Especially with his mental state right now.
We'll be keeping a close eye on him, thats for sure.
God, what a week its been. Friend from up in Toronto was supposed to get married this weekend, and she broke it off on Monday when she found out her soon-to-be-husband was cheating on her.
And now this.
I hope karma comes around and bites them both right in the ass.
He'll also need a good lawyer
Take him to Vegas............
OR
Mexico where the girls flow like water.
Honestly a couple bar nights with the guys and somebody thats still single can help him out, you know he could be like a wing man or something.
If some girl did that to me I would make sure she got nothing, and even if it was hers Id make sure I got it...........just for being a bitch like that.
Just wondering if any kids are involved?
My cousin's wife of not yet 2 years (but were together for 10) left him not even one month after the birth of their first baby!
All we could do is be there for him. Make him rember his values that he is loved by others and that there are people that care about him.
I almost went down that path last winter. My gf of 7 years was almost on the verge of leaving me simply because we lost "communication" somewhere along the way. We both agreed to get help (free through our work) and it simply saved us! We have two boys so there was lots to lose both ways, and we never said to each other that we did not love one another anymore, just simply lost ourselves.
Good luck.
nah, no kids.
i don't think a fetus could survive in that cold harsh void she calls a uterus anyways.
torradan,Jun 21 2007, 11:55 AM Wrote:nah, no kids.
i don't think a fetus could survive in that cold harsh void she calls a uterus anyways.
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Is that what you thought of her before your friend dropped the bomb?
I've never really liked her much, i just tolerated her. She is high maintenance and somewhat prissy.
torradan,Jun 21 2007, 12:16 PM Wrote:I've never really liked her much, i just tolerated her. She is high maintenance and somewhat prissy.
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Ahh, one of
those............... for a while, don't tell your friend that
stab her in the tit. Then ask for some ATM.
Here's what I would do. Plan, in about 6 months time, a "reconcilation" vacation with his ex-wife. Make it a cruise. He has no intention of getting back together with his exwife, but in about 6 months, she might be willing to go on a free vacation with him. And when she does, push her into the fawkin ocean and say byebye to the bitch.
I aint paying no alimony.
and you think I am kidding. Happens all the time.
Ouch, all you can do is be there for him, sounds like he's taking it hard, but if there's any consolation in this, its that there are no kids to witness this :(
NefCanuck
get a lawyer, keep him functioning
best of luck guys
also, i know its hard, but don't bother trying to place blame on anyone/anything.. things happen and only the two of them know the whole story.. there could be a lot more under the surface you dont know about, best not to judge and just make sure he doesn't do anything to impair his cash flow or earning potential in the meantime
Best way to get over a girl is to get under another one lmao , but yeah make sure he gets a good lawyer and slaps it to that Bi#$%
torradan,Jun 21 2007, 07:25 AM Wrote:He wanted to go talk to someone to try to save the marriage, but she said "there is no use, its over".
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When a girl says something like that, she has got to be banging some other dude already. Its kinda like one of those cryptic messages. She could have said "There's no use cause I've found someone else and you suck, get lost."
Me and NOS's mutual friend said the same thing about a talk with his wife, and we found out that she was with other people for a few months.
Another one of our friends, who I will name "D", tried to comfort depressed friend during this hard time, but it turns out "D" was banging my bud's ex too. Talk about backstabbing. :rolleyes:
Tell him it is the best thing to ever happen to him and use me as the perfect example of why.
Mind you, in my case it didn't come as a much as a surprise or shock to me as we were only sticking it out for the kid. There were no tears shed for my part and not even the remotest thought of a reconcilliation, no emotion at all in fact other than the frustration of dealing with such a retarded bitch.
I didn't need any psychiatric help to deal with the divorce itself but both of us (she and I) were asigned to meet with one becuase of the custody and access battle (long story). Sounds like your pal DEFINATELY needs to and there is nothing wrong with doing so. Very fascinating talking to these people and I think seeing one should be done every year or so by EVERYONE no matter how anyone thinks they feel just like going for a dental check up. We all have "junk" and "stuff".
If he can avoid lawyers do so but definately have one check out any agreement before signing. However because he still feels so attached I think lawyers should oversee everything because he will let emotion overide him getting his fair share. She will walk all over him.
If I had some details I could give LOTS more advice on the financial aspects if you want to PM or talk on Facebook. I did VERY well in that regard, its not always a 50/50 split, there are exclusions he MUST know about. So many that I kept the house and she rents a s***hole.
Thanks for all the advice!
I spoke with him last night, and it seems they're going to have an "amicable" divorce, if one exists. She basically wants nothing other than her personal items and a couple of things (grandfather clock, cedar chest) from her grandmother.
I told him he better at least get that in writing. That she has given up everything, including their house. And have it looked over by a lawyer, notorized, and whatever else needs to be done.
He is in a much better mood also.. he says the other night he was just spazzing out. When i talked to him last night, he was pretty level-headed about it all.
And the bitch had the BALLS to ask him if she could call my brother (who has a truck) to help her move her crap.
He is going to go talk to someone, as well as consult a lawyer to make sure all loose ends are tied up and whatnot. Especially so she can't come back and try to take more.
Told him to change the locks, too.
Things sound better for him, just keep checking on him, and keep him busy. Amicable probably should never be used in the same sentence as divorce.