[2001 ZTS]

FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.................................49.

Adventurous............................Slept with everyone.

Athletic...............................No breasts.

Average looking........................Moooo.

Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure.....................On medication.

Feminist...............................Fat.

Free spirit............................Junkie

Friendship first.......................Former slut.

New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-fashioned..........................No BJs.

Open-minded............................Desperate.

Outgoing...............................Loud and Embarrassing.

Professional...........................Bitch.

Voluptuous.............................Very Fat.

Large frame............................Hugely Fat.

Wants Soul mate........................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now...

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex now?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay..