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For The Diy Guys....
#1
Off a welding Forum i'm a member of...

the definition of engine hoist made me spit my morning beer on my keyboard...

jwilson Wrote:Not all of these definitions pertain to welding but I thought you guys might get a kick out of em...I can sure relate to some them...enjoy...

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Yeou    ...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. The most often the tool used by all women.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. Women excel at using this tool.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Women primarily use it to make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling a string of obscenities at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Silver 2000 zx3: Cai w/ K&n X-Stream filter, Steeda Wires (blue), Ngk plugs, Steeda Badges, Carbon taillights, Tint 20/30, blue glow And steeda Springs sirius sat radio, 2.5" Custom mandrel bent catback
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#2
its sad, but i can relate to most as well :(

lol funny read.
"Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success."
--Henry Ford


00 Focus ZX3 Silver- Sold
01 Focus ZX3 Green- Sold
01 Focus ZTS Red- Sold
03 Focus ZTW Green Sold
04 Escape LTD Silver- Sold
05 Freestyle LTD Black-Sold
02 Honda CRV EX-L-Sold
02 VW Jetta GLS TDI Silver-Sold

11 VW Jetta TDI 6spd Mine Smile
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#3
stud remover/bolt extract drill bits work good for wheel stud??
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#4
konafocuswrc,Sep 10 2007, 06:09 PM Wrote:stud remover/bolt extract drill bits work good for wheel stud??
[right][snapback]248568[/snapback][/right]

did someone screw up yours with that too?

is it for the front or back?

I did the front wheels without removing any of the brakes. There is a little hole that you can use to remove and re-instal a new wheel stud. if its the back them you have to remove the drum.
"Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success."
--Henry Ford


00 Focus ZX3 Silver- Sold
01 Focus ZX3 Green- Sold
01 Focus ZTS Red- Sold
03 Focus ZTW Green Sold
04 Escape LTD Silver- Sold
05 Freestyle LTD Black-Sold
02 Honda CRV EX-L-Sold
02 VW Jetta GLS TDI Silver-Sold

11 VW Jetta TDI 6spd Mine Smile
10 VW Golf Highline DSG- wrote off Sad


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#5
mo_focus,Sep 10 2007, 11:20 AM Wrote:
konafocuswrc,Sep 10 2007, 06:09 PM Wrote:stud remover/bolt extract drill bits work good for wheel stud??
[right][snapback]248568[/snapback][/right]

did someone screw up yours with that too?

is it for the front or back?

I did the front wheels without removing any of the brakes. There is a little hole that you can use to remove and re-instal a new wheel stud. if its the back them you have to remove the drum.
[right][snapback]248569[/snapback][/right]

front driver side and yeah canadian tire screwed that..
is it really easy to do??
do u know where i can find instruction??
BLACKBOX(DASHCAM) | LED | HID | REMOTE STARTER + SECURITY | 12 VOLT ACCESSORIES | CAR ENTERTAINMENT | PERFORMANCE UPGRADE | MAINTENANCE REPAIR
[Image: banner_468x60_zps1c433cb9.gif]
info@motormaniac.ca | 905.508.3737
If you are calling after hours, please leave a pm or detailed voice mail and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
Reply
#6
konafocuswrc,Sep 10 2007, 06:55 PM Wrote:
mo_focus,Sep 10 2007, 11:20 AM Wrote:
konafocuswrc,Sep 10 2007, 06:09 PM Wrote:stud remover/bolt extract drill bits work good for wheel stud??
[right][snapback]248568[/snapback][/right]

did someone screw up yours with that too?

is it for the front or back?

I did the front wheels without removing any of the brakes. There is a little hole that you can use to remove and re-instal a new wheel stud. if its the back them you have to remove the drum.
[right][snapback]248569[/snapback][/right]

front driver side and yeah canadian tire screwed that..
is it really easy to do??
do u know where i can find instruction??
[right][snapback]248572[/snapback][/right]

yeah its really easy to do, it will be much easier on a hoist.

http://www.focushacks.com/index.php?modid=44
"Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success."
--Henry Ford


00 Focus ZX3 Silver- Sold
01 Focus ZX3 Green- Sold
01 Focus ZTS Red- Sold
03 Focus ZTW Green Sold
04 Escape LTD Silver- Sold
05 Freestyle LTD Black-Sold
02 Honda CRV EX-L-Sold
02 VW Jetta GLS TDI Silver-Sold

11 VW Jetta TDI 6spd Mine Smile
10 VW Golf Highline DSG- wrote off Sad


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